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WARNING!
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The Bible contains descriptions of violence, obscenity and filth. KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN! |
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http://www.ecardology.com/hugs_and_kisses/ecards/kisses001.html
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Voice
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How To Annoy Wiccans |
| Author unknown; |
| email me if you know who wrote this so I can give due credit |
| 1. Borrow their eyeliner and then don't give it back. |
| 2. Snicker when the fat ones go skyclad. |
| 3. Rearrange their altar. |
| 4. Clean their "tools." |
| 5. If they mention Magick, ask them to explain...you never understood that dumb card game... |
| 6. Step into that drawn circle and ask them what their doing. |
| 7. Sharpen that dull knife of theirs. |
| 8. Claim to be a non-Wiccan witch. |
| 9. Ask if they can wriggle their nose like in Bewitched. |
| 10. Put on your best Judy Garland voice and ask "Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?" |
| 11. Throw water on them and expect them to melt. |
| 12. Explain how adding "an it harm none" completely misses the point of Thelema. Then explain what Thelema is. |
| 13. Lend them a copy of Liber OZ. |
| 14. Take them to a Catholic Mass. 15.Turn their pentagrams upside down. |
| 16. Recite good poetry during ritual. |
| 17. Cast that circle counter-clockwise. |
| 18. Tell the goddess to put up or shut up during the invocation. |
| 19. Ask if they can do those things like in that movie...what was it...? Oh yeah, "The Craft!" |
| 20. When they start talking about "the Goddess" start chanting things in Ouranian barbaric or Enochian. |
| 21. Explain later that you have a subconsciously wired bullshit-cut-off switch. |
| 22. See if they know any Hebrew attributions for, say, tarot. Then ask them why they know. |
| 23 Ask them who Gerald Gardner was. Ask them which degree rites they've been through. |
| 24. Ask them why they haven't, if it's part of the authentic Celtic tradition. Duck, and remind them about the "an' it harm none" bit. |
| 25. Talk to their cat. Tell them the cat says it wants human sacrifices. |
| 26. Scream "KALI YUGA!" when they invoke the Goddess. |
| 27. Ask them who you have to sleep with in order to get initiated to the 3rd Degree. |
| 28. Ask why so many Wiccan rituals bare a striking similarity to Golden Dawn rituals. |
| 29. Half way through a ritual, ask the high priestess to wake you when the sex starts... |
| 30. Edit their Book of Shadows, inserting material from one of the assorted Necronomicons or the Satanic Bible. |
| 31. Ask them to recommend a good book on the subject of Wicca. When they respond, repeat that you wanted a *good* book on Wicca. |
| 32. When one tells you that s/he is a Witch, tell them not to be so hard on themselves. |
| 33. Explain the difference between 'skyclad' and 'houseclad'. |
| 34. Remind them the moon has four phases, not three. |
| 35. Men - wear amber and jet. |
| 36. Wear a white rob and hood to the summer solstice. |
| 37.Say your swastika is just a rune. |
| 38. Worship the devil and call yourself a 'real witch'. |
| 39. Tell them that the green ray only appeals to people that like having their brain shut down. |
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